Discernment with or without love

Just to let you know, I have 5 other posts that I haven't finished yet waiting to be posted and 10 other subjects to talk about... I just don't always want to sit down and write whats on my heart. Its kind of like waking up and wanting to write down a dream... I don't always want to write it down! Emotions can be really annoying at times.. After a while of God poking you (or He "steps out" in a sense), you decide, "Hey, I don't want to miss what He's speaking to me!", so your hunger gets stirred up and you start paying attention to what He's saying to you, even though it's a bit more difficult to understand through dark speech and riddles.

Anyway, God was speaking to me today about the dynamics of what He reveals to me: the discernment issue with or without love. I have a choice. I can be offended or judge people by the issues I perceive and dismiss much of what they say, even though the words spoken may be truth. Or I can sift through my perceptions in love to see what is behind the (sometimes) tents of Kedar, and take hold of the truth in acceptance and dismiss the negative atmosphere released. I am learning it's one thing to discern an atmosphere or issue and be influenced by its negativity, through offense or judgement; it's another to discern an atmosphere or issue and be an influence of love, whether its through patience, gentleness, or forgiveness, etc.

First, I need to realize my own tents... which I am slowly breaking as I chose humility under His mighty hand. What is frustrating is I want my heart to just admit that I am a prideful person, controlling situations to hide my inner man, but I have to be patient with myself in the process of intimacy with God, I have to be patient with others. I would much rather BOOM! understand His ways and have "intimacy" with God, than have to wrestle the realities of my soul rule, and be consumed by a fire that burns off impurities. My view of love and intimacy is selfish and convenient for me, at least in how I present it. But this is also the frustration I have with others too. Why can't we actually embrace what Jesus' spoke of and live as He did? Or His disciples? I ask God to teach me to walk in love, I ask for intimacy and will continue to ask, but what I am really asking is, "God, send me deeper into the dark night so that I can be purified from self rule and submitted to Your rule." Of course there is magnificent beauty that goes along with the baptism of the soul to the redemption of the spirit. It's the way of becoming beauty that is difficult. A hard heart, or a prideful man cannot enter in this place. I say these words in the honesty of my nature and my great need of change...

peace,

James (Follow)