A Tale of Three Kings

We were discussing the book, A Tale of Three Kings this morning and how it applied to us in our lives. The interns had some great points and stories on how they related to the book, and the places they felt like a David under a Saul. I noted that growing up I was more of a Saul with a chip on my shoulder and a defensive heart. I was in love with control, imprisoned by my desperate need for being lord over my kingdom (soul) and was far from the awareness of my sickness. I am battling this more than ever before, willing to leave all that God has for me, the very destiny I was created for, because of fear and my need for control. It's frustrating to understand why I do the things I do, but am not able to embrace truth and love. In order to be able to even embrace the Spirit I have to let go. It is impossible to follow God and still be lord. "Lose your life and you will gain it, however if you keep your life, you will lose it." 

My family would tease me about about a family video when I was maybe 3. I had this toy that I just got for Christmas and apparently, I loved it! It was a vacuum bopper... (Now being an uncle and playing with my niece and nephews, I have found that this is probably the loudest toy of them all!)

My Dad says on the video, "Watch this... Hey James can I see that?" I shake my head and run away saying, "No!" 

I continued with the same heart growing up with my over indulgence of candy. My mom always had a snack drawer full of candy, and my grandma, being like any other grandma who loves to spoil her grandkids, had double the amount at her house. Let me tell you, thats a lot of candy... Some of you might think this is funny, but I held my candy at high respect, meaning: I didn't like to share! My Dad would buy my sibs and I some candy and the joke was, "Hey James, can I have some candy?" After a while I would be willing to share and give them one, maybe two skittles. :) 

I share these stories to illustrate, in a more amusing way, the position of my heart. I believe one of the reasons why David was so broken and struggled with Saul was that he saw the same heart issues within himself that he recognized in Saul. Instead of attacking back, David broke because He understood love. I desire to love as David loved, both my enemies and friends. To choose them before I choose myself, to not put on a face to protect myself, or swing to the other side and shut everyone out. I desire to give Him my delusion of control, and find rest in grace and acceptance.